Question Everything

What happens when you start growing spiritually and opening your eyes to the world in a whole different way? When you question everything you were taught and told as a child?

Growing up in a Hispanic household God and church were number 1. For as long as I can remember I never felt at home in the church. Something about it just did not sit well with me. Could it be because I was gay? Could it be because my entire childhood and adolescents it was engrained in my mind that God’s word is the be all, end all? Why would a religion want you to fear the same thing it was telling you to love?

Christianity is a farce to me. The same guy I would see sitting in the choir signing the “praise of Jesus” was the same guy that felt the need to wear the expensive suit and shiny watch to church. It was all just ironic to me. How a group of people believe that dressing up and going to church was enough to prove you are the Christian.

As I sit here writing this, a woman came in to my office to sell me on placing a donation box in front of our office and she would pay us $75 a month. Before we could even discuss the donation box she proceeds to tell me that she is a born again Christian. Not sure why or how that was relevant but she decided to let me know. She then proceeds to tell me that many Christians do not act Christian like and that everything that is going on in the world today was written in the bible. I asked her to clarify what she meant by this since the statement was very broad.

The only thing she tells me is that the kids of today have too many outside influences like the internet that fog their minds and feed them false information. She says that it makes her upset to think of the kids out there who do not have a good obedient relationship with their parents. This statement caught me off guard as I currently do not have a good relationship with my Christian mother. Coincidence? I think not. She tells me that the bible was written for a reason, getting closer to God.

I don’t say much from behind my mask but if she could only see my face. I’ve been on this spiritual journey and questioning what I was taught as a child about God and church. I’ve been questioning everything. Listening to the words this lady was saying reiterated to me that Christian’s do not understand the true meaning of God’s word. The bible was written and interpreted by man to fit their narrative. To me, the bible is just the thoughts and opinions of one man or a group of men to scare the masses.

My “God” would not have created me the way he did if he did not mean it. My creation was intentional. They knew what they were doing when they gave me eyes that I would need glasses to see with, teeth that would need braces for 5 of the most influential years of my life, and a mind of my own.

I am not confused about what I believe in my core. It is not my job to convince any one to understand me and where I am coming from. What I do know is that I will continue to question everything I do not understand and know that it is ok to be different.

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